Rainy Days Are Hard

Today was a toughy. Both kids sick. Pouring rain most of the day. So LOTS of time inside. We certainly took advantage of TV and youtube, but the day was still LONG. Lots of whining. It would be a huge understatement to say that parenthood really does test one's patience. Neither Josh nor I totally lost our shit, but by 8:30 when I was putting Isaiah to bed and he was crying about how his grey socks were too boring to wear to bed, I came very close. With Shayna already asleep, any temper tantrum at that hour had better be nipped in the bud or she'll wake up...pushing my few minutes of peace at the end of the night that much further away.

Instead of totally digging in against the notion of changing socks, I finally said "OK, I'll look for a more interesting pair after we brush your teeth" which calmed him down and then he forgot about the whole thing by the time we were in bed reading books. Lately I'm realizing that it's so much better to avoid direct confrontation with him but where do you draw the line between reasonably indulging your kid's eccentricities (and knowing when they are so tired that saying "no" is just going to cause a temper tantrum) versus having no backbone whatsoever and raising a spoiled brat? I feel like this is my daily struggle lately. I'm really trying to be more accepting of Isaiah's quirks (extreme sensititivity to discomfort in his clothing, for example) and not get annoyed by them, but again, where do you draw the line?

Joining the Facebook Madness

So I got an email from a friend asking me if I was on facebook as that's where all her pics of her kids were...so I finally checked it out, signed up and within a few minutes I found about 20 people I knew. It's highly addictive and obsessive making. I now have 60 friends and find myself easily spending a half hour or more on the page every day. It seems duplicative to now have a facebook account, a flickr account AND a facebook account. Likely many folks just start using their facebook wall as a blog.
I had to update this blog out of embarrasment. My friend Joyce has a link from her blog to mine - she updates her blog at least weekly it seems, and this hasn't been updated in months!
So here's an update. A boring one, but more to come soon.

Working Mom

Wow - some blogger I am! It's been 3 months since I've posted and here's why - I'm back at work and it's nutty. There's no time to pay bills let alone contemplate in decent prose about my life and the world. I have lots to say about Sarah Palin, but most of it's already been said by now. But seriously this nomination makes my blood boil. OK, now to finish bills, laundry and lunchbox prep. Maybe I'll find time while I'm pumping tomorrow at work!

On Friendship

We are always asking Isaiah who his good friends are in preschool. He developed a huge crush on this one boy who he also took a tumbling class with. Following him everywhere; devastated when he didn't show up. I asked him why he liked him so much more than the other kids and he answered quickly, "He really laughs at my poo jokes." Now that's become his standard barometer for evaluating other kids. Another child that we want him to like because WE really like his parents unfortunately "doesn't laugh at my poo jokes so much." For the record, mom doesn't laugh at them much either (or at least tries to stifle the giggles and gives dad dirty looks when he does). I mean if this is starting at 2 1/2 I could be living with poo jokes for what, the next 10 years at least!

Big Boyness

Isaiah is impressing and surprising us every day with his latest big boy achievements. Last week it was the move out of our room and into his big boy bed. We really had no expectation that either would happen any time soon. But he slept through the night without so much as a peep. Then last night when we were getting him into his PJs, he said he didn't want to put on a diaper until right before bed, but when that time came, he said he didn't want to wear a diaper at all. Since he's woken up dry quite a bit, we said "why not?" and sure enough, he woke up dry and the organic (and incredibly uncomfortable) mattress that we just bought him was spared. Then this morning he got his shoes on without any reminder and happily agreed to brushing his teeth! Usually we just brush teeth at night but our successful dentist apt last week seems to have eased the way to brushing after breakfast too. That's a good thing since our main incentive strategy for pooping in the potty or whatever else we want him to do lately is chocolate chips! I've just started moving towards stickers instead and that also seems to be working.

OK, so before you all roll your eyes at this litany of good news I should add that yesterday was the hardest preschool drop off we've had since Shayna was born. Total melt down to the point where he was lying on the sidewalk practically foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog. I basically tried to wait it out, but eventually had to just carry him into the room, transfer him to his teacher Maya's arms, and then fled with him screaming, tears running down his face. Miserable. Of course he stopped crying within 30 seconds of my leaving.

So it's 2 steps forward, 1 step back, but we just continue to be amazed by the leaps forward, especially at how he is the one to initiate them.

Oh, My God!

So that's Isaiah's latest expression, unfortunately. He is the ultimate imitator. I feel like Josh and I are really good about watching our language but this particular expression must cross our lips more often than I realized. It doesn't really bother me all that much, but it reminds me of my mom getting on my case for "taking the Lord's name in vain" when I was a child. I think her nagging never really stuck as I knew she wasn't much of a believer so it was just out of concern for others that she was reprimanding me-- hardly something to motivate a 7-year old but something I do care about now. But will I be able to look myself in the mirror if I take the obvious step of saying "golly" and "gosh" and "oh, my goodness!" instead?

The End of Innocence

The other night I was caught totally off guard while putting Isaiah to sleep. I began reading him a new book, titled the "The Birthday Surprise" that had just been given as a gift. About a third of the way through the book I realized it was about an old cat that was going to die. Not being particularly skilled at improvising new plot lines, I just kept going. But immediately after I read the page where the cat dies, Isaiah looks at me and asks point blank: "Am I going to die?"

I've avoided the subject of death with him thus far. Perhaps using the word in reference to bugs or something, but never explaining it. I mean the guy's not even 3 yet!? But how was I supposed to answer this question? You always hear that there's no text book for parenting, but at that moment I really wished I could hit the pause button and refer to one for fear of traumatizing him with the wrong answer and damaging him for life.

I answered "yes" in a calm voice and just said "everything that's alive dies at a certain point, but you are very young and you are going to live a very long life." Unfortunately, this was followed by a primal scream and the words, "But I don't wanna die!!!" I thought I'd really blown it at that point, but all I could do was emphasize how far off death was "when you're 100." I admit that I even said, "well, maybe when you're older they'll invent a way to avoid it." And I sure wishes that I believed in Heaven so I could make death into some fairy tale where we all live happily ever after.

Somehow I changed the subject eventually back to the much safer topic of Lighting McQueen, the famous race car from the movie Cars. But Isaiah, not to be thrown off track, still interjected the question I feared most, "Are you going to die?" Again, I said "yes" - how could I lie about something so fundamental - but I once again explained that this would be so far in the future and he would be all grown up, etc.

By the time I left his room he was calm, but I felt like I had just been punched in the stomach. In the morning, I was relieved that while the subject was still on his mind, it had already turned into a joke. When I offered him oatmeal, he responded "Oatmeal doesn't die" with a laugh. It's come up a little bit since then, but thankfully not obsessively.

The Apple

The other night Isaiah behaved in his typical picky toddler way at dinner. Dessert #1 was frozen yogurt (those yogurt tubes stuck in the freezer) and he ate about half of it. Then he said "I'm still hungry!" As if he were a person capable of rational thought, I pointed out that he should have eaten more of the dinner we offered him - (which included the toddler staple, grilled cheese). But, not really having it in me to deny a hungry child any food, I asked him if he wanted some fruit. He asked for a pear. No pears, how about an apple? OK.

I brought him a few slices of peeled apple (like most kids, he doesn't like the skin and this is how he always eats apple) to which he shreeked (NO! I want the whole thing). I was feeling impatient at this point so instead of giving him a new apple, I brought the other half of the apple. That didn't fly and he threw it on the ground. We scolded him for this, to which he responded with a major melt down. I want the whole thing! Over and over. For a few minutes we tolerated the melt down and explained that he shouldn't throw food, etc. He reminded us that "I need food for my body to grow!" Despite my better judgment about not caving in to whining, I finally brought out a whole apple - red delicious. He held it in his hands, victory at last.

Then he said in that whiney-I really-needed-to-nap-today-but-I-skipped-it voice "But this doesn't look like an apple! It's not round!" Incredibly, I then brought out a Pink Lady (great name) apple, he took a couple of bites and was done.

The Ultimate in Laziness

The other day as I vacuumed our bedroom rug with the depressing knowledge that within a few minutes it would be covered in lint again. It's a red rug with no pattern that looked great in the Pottery Barn catalogue, but within a couple of days of owning it I realized that it was a huge mistake. I don't think of myself or the rest of my family as particularly messier than average, but with this rug it was suddenly made clear just how much our cat Sasha sheds and how much food makes its way from the kitchen to the rest of the house. The worst was that vacuuming it would provide at most a 15 minute sense of order. When I was working full time, the rug was one more item on a long list of things that made life feel out of control, but now that I'm home on maternity leave, it rose to a new level of urgency.

Then it dawned on me. I don't have to be held captive to this rug! I posted it on Craig's List and within a couple of days it was gone. I initially asked $250 for it but after discovering that it had huge dents in the bottom from the bed, I just wanted someone - anyone - to take it away! So I listed it for free. The woman who picked it up turned out to be from Liverpool, so I also had a rare opportunity to talk Scouse with another person fluent in that harsh, colorful tongue.

Now our bedroom's wooden floors look great even if they are covered in a sandy lint. At least you can't see it. Next in my sites - Isaiah's clothes. The whole clothing concept - totally overrated. He loves being naked and if there aren't any clothes then there isn't any laundry. Win, win. Look for his wardrobe to be posted on Craig's list soon.

What a weekend!

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was a gorgeous sunny Saturday - a perfect day for taking the ferry to SF to go to the farmer's market. This is one of those things that's been on my "list" forever and we were finally doing it. I was fully aware that this was more for me than for the kids, but sometimes my needs come first dammit! So we loaded up the car around 9:15 (an impressive start time for us these days) and got to Jack London Square with plenty of time for parking, etc. The ferry ride over was lots of fun - you can see what a good mood Isaiah was in by the smile in that photo with Shayna on his lap. But as soon as we got to the crowds at the Farmer's Market, things spiraled downward.

Shayna woke up for one thing (how dare she!) and Isaiah suddenly fixated on riding a cable car - out of the question given our gigantic stroller. The next two hours were spent trying to distract Isaiah from various unattainable desires, the next one being getting right next to the water. Josh explained that the only way to get closer to the water would be to be at the beach. To which Isaiah replied, "Yes, I was to go to Hawaii. Now!" And so on.

My poor friend Michelle was accompanying us around the market during these fun moments, likely questioning why she had chosen to have children - she's due in 4 weeks with her first. I noted that she needn't worry - she'll have about 18 months to fall in love with him or her before they reach the bratty stage.

For me the lesson of the day was really about living moment by moment. Because there were wonderful ones. Like when the food finally arrived, Shayna was sleeping and we all dug in to delicious fries while the sun shone on us in one of the most beautiful spots in SF. Definitely better than another lunch at home. The hard part is not letting those awful, both kids crying simultaneously moments spoil your mood.

The return ferry ride was fine and we managed to get the kids to nap for an hour in the car afterwards by driving - our latest coping mechanism. I feel guilty about the needless CO2 emissions, but it really feels like a matter of survival, so in that sense it's hardly needless.
Does that sound like a pathetic justification? It's meant more as a sheepish admission that I just don't always have the energy to make the "sustainable choice" these days, especially with two kids now. I'm definitely using more disposable diapers with Shayna at an early age and I am throwing in the towel on G-diapers. Too much work flushing those damn things down the toilet! Sorry but I have so many things I'd rather do with my rare moments of free time than tear diapers in half, not to mention constantly having to wash the wraps due to blow outs.

Isaiah woke up in a great mood after his nap and that night we had a big breakthrough - he went back into his bedroom. It had mysteriously become scary to him and for two whole weeks he hadn't set foot in there. Not wanting to traumatize the little guy for life, we moved his crib into our bedroom, but even this hadn't assuaged his anxiety. Josh somehow landed on the culprit - his new wooden train set! We packed it up, called the train table a race track instead, and just like that the evil spell was lifted.

The next huge breakthrough was on Sunday when Josh stumbled upon Isaiah sitting on the couch with his diaper off, checking things out down there. An adorable conversation transpired about why penises get bigger sometimes, which led to the question, "would you like to put on some underpants?" which led to "would you like to try to make a pee in the potty" and by the end of the night Isaiah had used the potty consistently. We are so proud! He's terrified of making a poop in it and he got nervous about wearing underpants to preschool today, but he did use the potty at school so I think we're well on our way!